Hooray! It's that magical time of the year when school starts up again! It's the time when, young people all over the country, mayhap even the world, are forced into institutions where they are supposedly taught how to be better people while they spend everything they managed to save up over break on books, and anything that's left after that goes for either pizza, alcohol, pizza
AND alcohol, or fines from whatever you did whilst
ON the alcohol.
You're crammed into classes that WOULD be over crowded if everyone actually showed up who signed up for that class, and woe unto anyone who is in a class where that actually happens. While in college algebra or psych class, as an english major (see the irony...or at least stupidity), you can hear all the people spending their money on alcohol as they yell at the top of their lungs about either the football team or the basketball team. Football works in other countries too, btw, because they call soccer "football", I know, I know, it's crazy.
You sit in a room that's either so hot you can see people shrinking from dehydration, or so cold that not a nipple in the room can not be seen, including those of your geryatric professor. For two hours you take notes while your professor either has his back to the class so you can't hear him, or he speaks so fast and doesn't pause so that you manage to write down only one out of every ten words, sadly these are usually the words "and" "the" or "or".
Finally you manage to score a break before you're crammed into yet another misheated classroom. So you go to lunch, where everything is overpriced and underspiced (that means it tastes bad). You manage to chew down your soup, and then it's off to the library to find out what the hell your previous professor was speaking about. The library is staffed mostly by freshmen who somehow translate the words "staff" and "librarian" into "sleep" and "ignore". The one full time librarian has a line of students waiting for her so long that it's possible they waited longer than the people who were in line for Episode One. So after an hour or so of searching through books from 1933 that say that some day the man will walk on the moon, you suddenly realize that you're going to be late for your class. So you dash out of the library where the "staff" have decided to take note of you and yell at you for running.
You manage to make it to your class on time, barely, and lo and behold everyone showed up! So you're forced to stand against the wall, and the teacher glares at you for being disruptive by standing, despite the fact that not a seat is to be found. You have three options now;
1) Sit in the teachers desk and gain approval from the students but lose the teacher's,
2) Sit on the floor and be snickered at for the rest of class but gain the teacher's approval for your tenacity in wanting to attend class,
OR
3) Go get a beer because this prof has their head up their ass.
Now, if you're at a community college option 1 is fine, because who cares what cc professors think. Option 3 is also a possibility.
If you're at a state college option 3 is probably what you'll go with because, damnit, if you're at a state college you probably didn't care in high school, or you just didn't care enough to get financial aid and write all those essays for a private college.
Option 2 is only viable if you're at a private college, because, damnit, you're paying good money to be there, and you worked hard!
So, whichever you went with, now you're first day is done. Sure, you have homework from your first day of classes, and you know that you have two more classes tomorrow and an independant study, but you also know that tonight there's going to be a killer party. So to hell with school, you go out to wherever the parties are and you get loaded. You meet some slut (slut works for both males and females mind you) whom you are pretty sure looks good, but you can't be certain since you forgot your contacts or glasses and, let's face it, you're wasted. So you commence in a random hookup, hooray! But then nature calls as well as you're rumbling stomach. So rather than puke on the girl you run out of the room naked and puke all over whatever ornamentation the place you're at has. Everyone throws you out, minus your clothes, which means minus your keys. So you race to your apartment, or dorm, bare ass naked, and attempt to throw rocks at your roommates window. Sadly you misgauge your strength and shatter the window, thus inspiring your sober roommate to call the cops. Who then come and get you, forcing your parents to drive for hours to bail you out, still naked and wrapped only in a police blanket, and still very drunk.
You don't wake up the next day except once when you find yourself covered in vomit, urine and something that smells REAL bad but you don't even want to check that, so you wake up the following day, clean up, and do it all over again.
Ah the college experience; making people better all the time.
Well, sorry my first post ever is so long, but then again...no I'm not.
Link: This may possibly be one of the funniest things I ever read
Link: An important article on Parent/Child relations
